Taking Action

I could have just wallowed in self-pity and not done anything else about it. But, I just couldn't shake the feeling that this was something bigger than me and what I was being called to do. I kept sensing God saying to me, "I've been preparing you for this very thing."

What follows over the course of the next few months (late fall 2006/winter 2007) was a whole lot of hard work. Some things so personal and deep that written words cannot even begin to express the anxiety, anguish, tears, thoughts, and feelings that I experienced. Through the listening ears and loving words of friends and co-workers, I had a break-through. What sounds like it was a single moment in time, is actually several months of self-talk, scripture reading, sharing and support. A moment when I can look back and say "all my cards are on the table and things are going to be different." I don't mean the things around me, but the things deep inside my heart and mind. I began a discovery to truly understand who God created me to be and what He thinks about me. And all the doubt began to fade. I knew that I had to face those things in order to move forward.

So, while I still felt inadequate to be doing something of this magnitude, I continued to pray that God would make it clear what I should do, when I should do it and how to get the money.

The Excuses

The more I thought about taking a trip with Buckner to an orphanage, the more reasons I would make up for not going. Everything from finances, health, time away from work, time away from family, going somewhere unfamiliar to not speaking any other languages or having little travel experience. You know, all the usual reasons. But, the longer my list got, the more my heart and mind were becoming engrossed in the possibility of this adventure.

Our church had taken mission trips in the past...to places like Mexico and Amarillo. But nothing like this. Plus, with all the changes that had taken place in the previous year and the somewhat uncertainty that was still prevailing during that time, I just didn't think it was something we would do as a group. So, I began to look into going on the trip as an individual or with another church group. But, the reasons for not going were an ever present reality.

One of the big reasons - I just couldn't see spending $1000-$3500 on a trip. I had no money in savings. I was living paycheck to paycheck. I had credit card debt. I never had any 'extra' cash. Sure, I could write letters and ask people to suppport me in this ministry. But, that just didn't seem right - that I would ask others for money when I wasn't able to put any money toward it myself. Plus, how could I ask others to contribute, when I knew that I had big time credit cards debt.

One of the other reasons I was reluctant to continue to pursue a trip - was all purely emotional. Could I handle this kind of trip? Was I mentally and emotionally ready for the circumstances I would see with the kids? How did I feel about kids in these situations? In reality, I just didn't want to allow myself to put into any kind of situation where my heart would be broken. So, in typical fashion, I removed emotion from it and tried not to think about.

The beginning.....

It was back in late summer 2006 that I heard about Buckner International (www.buckner.org). My friend Marcie has a friend who works for Buckner in Dallas. She began telling me about some of the things that her friend does with overseas mission trips and orphanages. I had heard about Buckner's work before - their children's homes and adoptions here in Texas. But I had no idea how far reaching their ministry had become.


The minute I heard about their work with international orphanages, my heart started to stir. At first, I had no idea what that really meant. Naturally, because I work with children my heart is always torn when I hear about circumstances and situations that just aren't right for kids. However, the part of me that has never done anything like came up with a myriad of reasons why this wasn't the thing for me.

I let the thoughts simmer around in my head, but God wouldn't let go it in my heart. So, I decided to take the next step and learn some more about what they do. I called and asked questions. I knew the possibility of a trip in 2006 was out of the question, so I looked into what they had planned for 2007. I even went as far as getting an application. But there were a few things that were holding me back.

Here's the Scoop

My name is Susan Ripley and later this year I'll be going to visit children in an orphanage in Russia.

There's a story behind this journey. And I can only imagine there will be more to learn along the way. So, I invite you to join me. I'll be posting thoughts, posing questions and doing some journaling through this blog page. My hope is that you will understand more of my heart and passion about this work through the words I write.

163 days until I get on the plane!