The Excuses

The more I thought about taking a trip with Buckner to an orphanage, the more reasons I would make up for not going. Everything from finances, health, time away from work, time away from family, going somewhere unfamiliar to not speaking any other languages or having little travel experience. You know, all the usual reasons. But, the longer my list got, the more my heart and mind were becoming engrossed in the possibility of this adventure.

Our church had taken mission trips in the past...to places like Mexico and Amarillo. But nothing like this. Plus, with all the changes that had taken place in the previous year and the somewhat uncertainty that was still prevailing during that time, I just didn't think it was something we would do as a group. So, I began to look into going on the trip as an individual or with another church group. But, the reasons for not going were an ever present reality.

One of the big reasons - I just couldn't see spending $1000-$3500 on a trip. I had no money in savings. I was living paycheck to paycheck. I had credit card debt. I never had any 'extra' cash. Sure, I could write letters and ask people to suppport me in this ministry. But, that just didn't seem right - that I would ask others for money when I wasn't able to put any money toward it myself. Plus, how could I ask others to contribute, when I knew that I had big time credit cards debt.

One of the other reasons I was reluctant to continue to pursue a trip - was all purely emotional. Could I handle this kind of trip? Was I mentally and emotionally ready for the circumstances I would see with the kids? How did I feel about kids in these situations? In reality, I just didn't want to allow myself to put into any kind of situation where my heart would be broken. So, in typical fashion, I removed emotion from it and tried not to think about.