Taking Action

I could have just wallowed in self-pity and not done anything else about it. But, I just couldn't shake the feeling that this was something bigger than me and what I was being called to do. I kept sensing God saying to me, "I've been preparing you for this very thing."

What follows over the course of the next few months (late fall 2006/winter 2007) was a whole lot of hard work. Some things so personal and deep that written words cannot even begin to express the anxiety, anguish, tears, thoughts, and feelings that I experienced. Through the listening ears and loving words of friends and co-workers, I had a break-through. What sounds like it was a single moment in time, is actually several months of self-talk, scripture reading, sharing and support. A moment when I can look back and say "all my cards are on the table and things are going to be different." I don't mean the things around me, but the things deep inside my heart and mind. I began a discovery to truly understand who God created me to be and what He thinks about me. And all the doubt began to fade. I knew that I had to face those things in order to move forward.

So, while I still felt inadequate to be doing something of this magnitude, I continued to pray that God would make it clear what I should do, when I should do it and how to get the money.